If this were a P.T. Anderson movie, these events would be intertwined, but this is Cape Cod, all just coincidence. Still, we can learn. If you're gonna steal from a dead person, do it right so the headline doesn't have the word "tried". I mean, the dump truck driver went for it, he got that road shut down. Did you know you could "shop with a cop", possibly even at TJ Maxx? Not probably. Irregaaaahdless, Happy Probation for 3rd OUI Day to all. Here's looking at numba foah!

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P.S. There were blurry keys when I first "tried" to post and they disappeared. Frickin drunk blurry keys passing out and bailing. Typical.